


do you want to die together?

by santanico



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Captain America: The Winter Soldier Spoilers, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2014-04-06
Packaged: 2018-01-18 09:49:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1424068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/santanico/pseuds/santanico
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They don’t leave first thing.</p><p>“I’m not letting you do this on your own,” Sam says as they get on a bus.</p><p>“I just…I don’t know,” Steve says. He had sounded more certain before, and now he clenches the folder in his fingers and there’s sharp nerve in his eyes. “It might be a mistake.”</p><p>Sam leans back. “I don’t think so.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	do you want to die together?

There’s a lot they don’t talk about – there’s a lot of baggage that comes with war. At least they have that in common.

Missing partners, broken bones, hospital beds for days. Steve Rogers may be a supersoldier, but he’s still a human being, and gunshot wounds and an incident of near drowning make his movements sluggish at first. He has stitches and holes from bullets but he still smiles when he wakes up and sees Sam sitting next to him.

“My arms are really heavy,” Steve says after the nurse and a doctor come in and check his already healing wounds. They seem sort of annoyed that the stitches in his forehead and lip are already starting to loosen. “I feel like my lungs have been pulled out of my body…spun around…and then put back in at the wrong angle.”

Sam grins and snorts. “You almost drowned,” Sam says as way of explanation. “We almost lost you, Cap. Steve.”

Steve smiles. “I’m sorry.”

“The world needs Captain America.”

Steve turns his head over on the pillow. Sam licks his lips. The Marvin Gaye album is still playing from his phone in the background, though Sam knows it’s going to loop soon. He stands and unplugs it, looks at Steve’s expression of vague disappointment.

Steve starts to push himself up in bed and Sam walks over, presses him back into the pillow by his shoulders. “You heard what they said. You still need to sleep.”

“I’m fine,” Steve says, shaking his head – but the movement is slow and he cringes, muscles tensing. “I need to – I have to – I gotta. Sam, I gotta…”

“I think you saved him, Steve.”

Steve falls heavily back into the sheets.

“And you’re probably extra heavy because of all the anesthetic they gave you. For the pain. I’m surprised you’re awake and moving.”

“I don’t know, Sam.”

“ _Someone_ pulled you out of the water.”

Steve sighs. “How much longer am I gonna be here?”

“Knowing you…three days, tops.”

-

They don’t leave first thing.

“I’m not letting you do this on your own,” Sam says as they get on a bus.

“I just…I don’t know,” Steve says. He had sounded more certain before, and now he clenches the folder in his fingers and there’s sharp nerve in his eyes. “It might be a mistake.”

Sam leans back. “I don’t think so.”

Sam makes him breakfast again at his place, cooks a lot of food and watches Steve devour it without pause. It’s funny in a way, though Sam suspects that a lot of what has Steve so hungry is that the hospital food isn’t exactly the best. They slide under the radar, somehow, and Steve seems content to eat and watch TV for a couple of days.

Sam is surprised that Steve Rogers makes the first move and kisses him on the third morning. Sam, of course, doesn’t push him away – because who pushes Captain America away when he kisses you? Instead he gives Steve a long look and whispers, “Are you sure?”

“Totally sure,” Steve says, and this time he smiles when he kisses Sam.

-

If they interlock because they’re soldiers, because they’re out of time, because they’re mascots…well, it works. Steve stays up too long at night, doesn’t come to bed until after Sam’s already dozed off, but eventually they leave New York. Why anyone still lives there…is questionable. Sam tells Steve as much, and that seems to make him laugh.

They’re in a car with really good gas mileage that Steve can afford because he’s Captain America, though he doesn’t say that. And Steve has his hands around the wheel and his eyes and posture are both so quiet and still that Sam wants to stare.

“I can’t ever leave New York, I guess,” Steve says, his own personal reply. Sam rubs his hands over his knees. He might have been put through slightly less than the Cap, but he’s still got bruises under his jeans and he can still feel the throbbing from the healing ribs that the Winter Soldier had broken. His feet and legs still hurt from hard landings and falling into a helicopter.

“It’s where you grew up,” Sam says.

“Brooklyn.”

Sam smiles. “Yeah. I get that.”

-

They learn who the other is in the most intimate ways. Is it a search for James Barnes, who should be dead by human standards? Sure. Yeah. But it’s also a search for what makes Steve happy.

And Steve says that much to Sam as well, in the darkness of a hotel room at four o’clock in the morning.

“I told you I didn’t know what made me happy,” Steve whispers, and it rouses Sam from his fitful sleep pressed against Steve’s chest. “I still don’t.”

“That’s okay,” Sam says, tracing his fingers over Steve’s chest, which is still kind of…impossible. “You have time.”

Steve presses his lips to Sam’s forehead. One thing Sam’s never had in all his life was someone bigger and willing to protect him. It’s sort of like Steve is filling the holes in his chest that Sam never quite knew he had. He tries to beg off the nightmares because he thinks Steve needs him too.

“I don’t want to always be moving,” Steve says. “But I don’t know if I can settle down.”

Sam finds Steve’s hands and picks it up, kisses the center of his palm.

He doesn’t say anything. There isn’t anything to be said.


End file.
